Neo FLCL
by The Cynical Idealist
Summary: A new kid, with the same girl who ruins everyones life.
1. It begins anew

Neo FLCL  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own FLCL. I also don't know any of the character names other than Naota and Haruko, so I'm writing a different version. Don't worry about Haruko, she's still in it. It takes place in Wisconsin (sorry, but I want to give props to my home state). The main character's name is my middle name. Everything else is made up.  
  
God, why did it happen to me? I was a normal kid, minding my own business and soon all hell breaks loose. Does anyone have an answer? What can I be told that would help me deal? It sucks not knowing what's going on and now, people are using me, as well. What did I do to deserve this? Why me? Why me...  
  
It was a normal day, as boring as any other day. Nothing ever happens in this town. And I was positive nothing would change. I sighed. I just had another boring day at high school. Okay, maybe it wasn't that boring. Bio was fun. So was English. But the rest of the day was dull. I was walking home after school, along with April May, a friend of mine since elementary school. I thought her name was funny, not in a ha-ha way, but a weird way. Especially since she was born in June. I enjoyed her company and she enjoyed mine... I think. "So, Scott, did you get the notes from Geometry?" I laughed. "April, when have I ever written notes in math?" She smiled. "And yet, you still get better grades than me." Again, I laughed and pointed to my head. "It's all in here. Photographic memory. It's fun knowing all that stuff." She laughed as well. See, told you we enjoyed each others company. She was sort of like a sister to me and I liked the closeness we shared. It made it easier to tease her. She stopped. "Did you hear that?" I stopped and listened hard. At first I could only hear a few birds, but then a louder sound scared them away. It was a motor. Sounded like a motorbike. We turned around to see this bright yellow bike (a Vespa, I think) charging full speed at us. Some guy was riding it spastically, not even paying attention to the road. Before I could think, I pushed April to the side. I saw rather than felt the bike hit my side, sending me flying ten feet away. "SCOTT!" April screamed. The asphalt scratched me as I hit the ground, leaving bloody marks on my face where I landed. "OMIGOD!!!!" I heard a feminine voice screech. "I KILLED THAT KID!!!" I grunted as I pushed up with what strength I had left. I clutched my broken ribs. "I'm not dead yet..." quoting one of my favorite Monty Python lines. The driver, who turned out to be a girl, stopped screaming. She was pretty tall, for a girl. She had short pink hair and yellow cat-like eyes. She grinned creepily. "Good. Then there's still use for you." She grabbed a guitar that I hadn't noticed from her back and swung. Straight at my head. I felt as the hard wood connect with my skull. I fell to the asphalt again as I slowly lost concsiousness. I lost all feeling in my body. The strange thing was that I didn't black out. I only saw stars flying past me. Every now and then, an iron drifted past. This didn't make sense to me for awhile.  
  
After that, I could feel my body. And I could feel the lips of someone covering my own. I screamed as my body finally realized how much it was hurt. The lips left me. Their owner was the crazy girl who, not only ran me over, but knocked me out as well. "Ha HA! I've done it! I've brought him back to LIFE!" I spat on the ground. "You... you..." "Bitch?" She finished for me. She smiled at me fondly. It weirded me out. "You're lucky I was here to give you the 'kiss of life'." I stared angrily at her. She had nearly killed me and she expected me to appreciate the fact that she had "brought me back"? What was her problem? "Who the hell do you think you are?" I shouted at her. I didn't normally swear, especially around girls, but right now I was pissed. The girl got back on her Vespa and smiled. "I am the wonderful Haruko, genius extrodinaire, and the most beautiful woman in the world!" April's mouth was open. I got the impression of a large fish, only much prettier. An object collided with my head. I rubbed the sore spot and looked down. It was my English book. I t must have fallen out of my backpack. "By the way," Haruko said as she adjusted her goggles, "you're a pretty good kisser." And with that she sped off. I blushed and looked away from April. She walked to me and sat down behind me. "Are you okay?" I nodded slightly. Even that small movement hurt my head. "Ow... yeah I guess so." April sighed and turned me around. "Is what she said true, about her being the most.." I saw where she was going and interrupted. "Nah, you're much prettier." I said. She smirked and was about to say something but I again interrupted. "But you're pretty weird lookin' yourself." She smacked the back of my head. Sure, it was in good humor, but it still hurt. "Ow..." She immediately looked apologetic. "Oh, God, I'm so sorry." I laughed it off. "I'm fine, but could you walk home with me? I don't want to fall down and get ran over again." "Sure," she said as she helped me up. We walked home in silence, but my brain was going crazy. Why did April really care what the crazy lady said? Was she jealous or something? Why would she be? I couldn't think anymore. My brain started hurting worse, as if something was trying to break out. So I relaxed and enjoyed the silence we shared on the way home. 


	2. Why is she here?

Neo FLCL Ch 2  
  
Disclaimer: If you didn't read the last one, I don't own FLCL. The family isn't my family, but they may be based on people I know.  
  
Obviously, I got home okay. It was a two story house, with the basement being the first story. I opened the door and slammed it shut, as usual. I walked up the stairs, passing my older brother Justin's room. He was "sick" today and didn't go to school. I was pretty sure he was studying up late last night. It was exam time, after all. Anyway, back to the story. I heard voices on the other side of the door. I listened harder for a moment. Yeah, it was the 'rents, but there was someone else there as well. I open the door to find my parents having coffee...with the crazy girl who ran me over. "What are you doing?" I shouted. Mom looked at me as if I was an imbecile. "It seems we are having coffee." Oh great she was being a comic again. "Yeah, okay I deserved that. I meant why is she here?" I said as I pointed my finger at her. Haruko just grinned. Dad piped in. "She came over here to tell us that she had accidentally ran over you, and caused a few problems. She said you weren't badly hurt, as in no serious complications. Therefore, we aren't pressing charges." What?! They weren't mad at her? What the hell is this? The muscles above my eyelid began to twitch. That in itself was weird, because that doesn't happen when I'm mad. But along with it came an intense pain. I clutched my forehead, tryimg to force the pain away, but that wasn't working. It only made it hurt worse. "Are you okay?" Haruko cackled. I glared at her. "No, I'm not. I got ran over by you and got hit in the head by you. So now I have a headache." Haruko piped up at this. "Oh really? Where does it hurt?" She pounced on me, climbing on my back and poking my head "Does it hurt here? Or here? Or maybe here?" I got even angrier. "STOP TOUCHING ME!" I yelled. She grinned at jumped off my back, now holding onto my arm and drawing circles on my chest with her finger. "Oh, after what happened earlier, this seems to be a tame part of our relationship." she purred, emphasizing the last word. Mom's eyebrow arched. "What sort of relationship?" Haruko's grin grew even wider. "Mouth-to-moooooooouth!" she cried. I flushed.  
  
The door behind me opened. Of course, it was my bro. Oh, this was gonna get weirder. "So, what's this about my baby bro having a girlfriend?" As anyone with siblings knows, do not act defensive: for some reason, it makes them think that their assumption was right. "She isn't. She was giving me mouth-to-mouth resesitation, after she had knocked me out." Dad glanced at mom and I knew what was going to happen. My family is the kind to make fun of you if you are caught doing something, being stupid, or supposedly denying something. Guess which one I was doing. "Really," Dad began, "Because we thought you might want to be with that April girl you always hang around with." "ENOUGH!" I yelled. For once everone listened to me and shut up. "I have had a rougher day than any of you. I'm gonna get some asprin and go to bed. I don't want to be disturbed. Understood?" The 'rents nodded. Justin shrugged and went back down stairs. Even the hyperactive Haruko just stood there. "That's fooly cooly with me," Dad said. I stared at him. "Uh, Dad? That's not a word, nor is it slang. Please don't say that ever again." I added as a joke to lighten the mood. Dad grinned and I thought everything would be back to normal. I was dead wrong.  
  
"Oh, man..." I sighed as I reached the bathroom. I had just taken some Advil out of the cupboard and took two. As I looked up I saw a small bump on my head. Before my eyes, it grew larger and larger. It stopped when it reached about a foot out of my head. I freaked out. I was pushing it, I thought to no avail, into my head. Strangely enough, it sort of schlooped back in. I took a bandage to cover. I thought it might hold it in there. I got out of the room, slightly more weirded out than when I went in there, but now a bit calmer. As I got to my bedroom door, I had a very bad feeling. Call it psi, ESP, or stomach cramps, but I thought there would be something bad beyond the door. When I opened it, I found my instinct was a bit off. Something worse than bad was in my room. It was Haruko. She was looking through my drawers, oblivious to me, pulling out random bits of clothing. I stood in shock, not moving a muscle. She was mummering the entire time. "Ohhh yeah, he'd look good in these... Ugh, this is so five minutes ago.... What, does his mother shop for him? OH. MY. GOD!" She suddenly screamed. I wondered why until I saw what drawer she was on. My underwear drawer. The shock wore off, allowing me to yell. "Hey, get out of there!" She grinned in a Chessher cat sort of way, holding something behind her, then zooming straight at me, stopping bare centimeters from me. Her nose was almost touching my own as I looked down at her, praying she didn't have what I thought she had. "What..." she began, drawing out the word. I could see she was enjoying tormenting me. She danced backwards, twirling, but still keeping the object secret."....is...." she added. Wham! She had jumped at me, knocking me over. She sat on my chest, pinning me to the ground. "....THIS?" She finished and held out her secret.... my jock strap. "Ooooh, does Scotty-Wotty have a S&M fetish?" Scotty Wotty? I thought in confusion. I spoke to her again. "Put it away." She threw it at my face. I wiped it away. "Ya know..." she began, but I interrupted. "Look I don't give a rat's butt on what you think, I just want you to leave. NOW!" She flipped off of me, perfect form. If I were a judge, I'd have given her a 10. But that's beside the point. She then jumped onto my bed and hid under the covers. "What are you doing?" I said as I got up. "I'm hiding from the big strong Wotty monster. He will eat me for sure." Zoom. She jumped out of my bed past me. She landed and grabbed her guitar in the corner. "I must protect myself! Furi...." She charged at me, nearing 100 mph and slammed the thing into my head. "Curi!" I was on the floor, reeling in pain and holding my head. I let go of my head and looked up to see her staring at me. It was very unsettling. "Well, well, well... What do we have here? What's under the bandaid?" I backed away from her. "Nothing..." She grinned. "Let me see." She ripped a cord on the guitar, revving it like a chainsaw. "Or perhaps I need to perfrom some field surgery?"  
  
AN: Yeah, I know. It's less crazy than the show, but it takes place in a more realistic setting. I might make another in the Noata perspective, maybe. Review if you want to. If you don't like it, don't flame me, just stop reading it. There may be a chance Amaro (dude with f'ed up eyebrows?) shows up. What's the lieutenants name? Write me if you know. 


	3. Ow

Neo FLCL 3  
  
Disclaimer: Blah, blah don't own FLCL. Don't people know that already? Do I need to say it every chapter?  
  
I stared at the phsyco in front of me, holding her guitar like an axe. I stared as she ran at me again at a much slower speed. I stared as she came closer and closer. And I stared as I grabbed her wrist and flipped her behind me. She fell with a mighty crash, nearly knocking over my lamp. "I should warn you: I was in a judo class for awhile." She growled and shouted, "No fair! You cheated!" I looked at her confused. It was a lapse of concentration, and it was enough. She lunged at me, sweeping the guitar low, knocking me off my feet. I landed with a thud. In a flash she was on top of me again, this time clawing at my bandage. I was trying to dodge, but as everyone knows when you move your head like that for extended periods of time, it really hurts. There was only one thing I could do: fight back. I picked up my hand, curled it up, and slammed it into the side of her face. Before I continue, I need to say this: I am not exactly the strongest guy. And I don't like fighting all that much, or hitting girls. But that's why I took judo.You know, to defend myself without landing a hit. But I thought that right then it was necesary. The thing is, she didn't react. At all. She took it like it was a mosquito and didn't even flinch. She stopped clawing at me and moved closer. "Ohh, so you like it rough, eh? Okay, fine with me." I bared my teeth. "Get the hell off me! You know what's under my bandage? It's a friggen bump, from you smacking me in the head! Or don't you remember? Now, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Haruko wimpered, "I can't! I have no where to go! No one to turn to! Do you know how hard it is to be me? Always being blamed for hitting people with my bike? It costs money to pay off the lawsuits. That's why your parents didn't sue me: I'm poor!" she sobbed into my chest. I softened for a moment. I couldn't stand seeing people cry. "Please don't cry. I'm..." "Sike!" she yelled, sat up, and ripped off my bandaid, releasing the twelve inch thing from it's cave. "Ah, so this it what you were hiding. I wonder..." she grinned as she moved closer to my face as she spoke, "Is it as big as another object you're hiding?" I shuddered. "You're a perv. Could you at least get off of me?" She obliged and sat on my bed. "I kind of need to sleep there." She cocked her head. "Yeah, okay, but I'm not sure we'll both fit."  
  
I gaped at her. "You're kidding." She yawned, "I need to sleep too, Mr. Grumpy. You can't expect me to sleep on the floor, can you?" "Why in my room? And why here period?" She lied down on the bed. "You're parents let me work at the shop. They said I could stay here, since I don't have a home." She got all puppy-dog eyes on me. "And I chose here because you were who I chose first." "Huh?" "It's all a big destiny, fate thing brought together by the cosmos as two souls intertwine to be one, or something like that. I can't remember what that fortune cookie said. Ya know, those cookies are supposed to tell your fortune, but all they do is state a limmerick." I shook my head and turned away. "Why don't you just sleep on the recliner in the living room? It's less... awkward." I stiffened as I felt her arms drape around me. Her head was on my shoulder when she spoke. "Aww. Is Scotty embarassed? Is he afraid of sleeping with a girl? Or maybe he's scared he'll admit that he loves me." I shook her off, not responding. I took my P.J.'s and balnket and moved to the living room.  
  
"Man, you look beat," my buddy, Max, said as I sat down next to him sixth hour, which is the first time I see him. I groaned and leaned back. "Oh, there was this crazy lady who ran me over (he stared in shock as I continued), and she's staying at my house and she tried hitting on me, so I had to sleep on the old recliner we have. Yeah, it was rough." He stared at my forehead. "I guess that's where you got that bump." I felt the bandaid and smirked. "Nah, that's where she hit me with her guitar." Max's eyes widened. "Jeez. And here I thought I had it rough when the teach caught me looking up the answers." Rap! The sharp sound of a ruler hitting a desk caused the class to come to attention. Mr. Dourse looked around at the students still standing and carrying on. "Tu Pac is alive!" he shouted suddenly, scaring the students. I laughed. What a way to get attention. "Good. Now when we last left off, we learned that the..." He was interrupted as a official looking man stepped into the room. "Is there a..." he looked at a form, "Scott Kilder here?" I shrunk in my seat as everyone 'ooohed' and 'busted' and 'you're future is screwed.' Rap! "Kennedy wasn't assasinated!" Even the official man jumped. Mr. Dourse looked at the man. "How important is this?" "Very." "Well then, Scott, I think you should go." I took my stuff and walked to the man. As I passed him, he said "I need to talk to you in a private matter. No telling anyone." I shrugged. Maybe today wouldn't be as boring.  
  
AN: Sorry if Haruko seems to be too perverted. I always thought she was incredibly horny on the show. I remebered in Ch. 1 that I said Scott's ribs were broken. They weren't actually broken, it just felt that way. He also seems to be a fast healer. I may need to remeber that.... 


	4. Eyebrows

Neo FLCL 4

Disclaimer: Don't own diddly, just review.

"Eyebrows..." I muttered as we walked. He glared at me.

"What was that?"

"Nothin'..." I couldn't help snickering in my hand. I looked at the guy a little more closely. He was young for a FBI guy, only about 18. He looked like he was from Japan or China or someplace. He had dark hair and was kind of morose as we walked. We had left the school about 15 minutes ago. Finally we reached an office building. It looked condemned, but there was no warning sign. It was at least 12 stories high.

"Go in" he commanded. I glared at him.

"I know my rights. I need a reason for you to arrest me like this." He chuckled. It sounded very unnatural for him.

"Relax, you're not under arrest. We just have some questions for you, that's all." He chuckled again. "You have a guilty conscience, don't you?" I shrugged and walked into the building.

"Oof!" I was shoved roughly into a chair. So much for some polite Q and A. A bright light shone in my face temporarily blinding me.

"Has she contacted you?"

"Huh?" Who was he talking about? I heard a door open.

"So you found him okay, I see. Well, here you go." A feminine voice piped in. I heard the sound of someone spitting out something in one of those classic spit takes.

"Sorry," The FBI guy said, "but you know I don't like the pulpy stuff."

"Tastes change," the girl responded. I squinted my eyes and moved that light out of my face. It was blurry for a minute, but then I could see my surroundings. The dimly lit room had little furniture, just a couch, this table, and two more chairs. That wasn't what made me start. The thing that did was the girl talking to the FBI guy. I gaped, as I looked her way. She was of Asian decent, like FBI guy. She had long black hair and was a bit taller than the guy. But what really made me look at her were her eyes. They were violet and offered this sort of calm aura. The guy, noticing me, smacked the back of my head.

"Ow!" I yelled, even though it didn't hurt. "Why'd you do that?" I leaned back as he stuck his face close to mine.

"Because she's my girlfriend, you idiot!" he screamed. I noticed the girl sigh. I looked at her.

"Oh, you got yourself a fine catch," I said to her sarcastically and again I got hit.

"Focus, kid," he said, even though he was only two years older than me, "Have you seen this girl?" He held up a picture of a familiar face with pink hair and her fingers up in a peace sign. Behind her was an unconscious form of a young kid (twelve, I think).

"You're that kid, aren't you?" I snickered at him. He nodded.

"Yes. I am Captain Naota Nandaba, and this is Eri Ninamori," he said as he motioned towards her. She now wore the same eyebrows that Nandaba had on.

"You're looking for her?" I asked. He nodded. "To take her away?"

"Yes."

"Thank God!" I yelled and the two of them jumped. "Please, arrest her or whatever you plan on doing to her and get her away from me!" They looked at each other. Nandaba looked at me confused.

"You have no desire to let her stay with you?" I laughed.

"Never in a thousand years."

"Hold on. Did she hit you with her Vespa and guitar?"

"Yes. Why?" Before he could answer, I heard the revving of an engine. A Vespa engine, to be exact. The wall collapsed as the crazy girl crashed into the room.

"Don't worry, I'll save you from...Ta-kun?" She yelled as she noticed Nandaba. "Oh, it is you. What's with the eyebrows?" She asked with disgust. Nandaba growled and walked towards the bike.

"It's to protect me from you!" With that, he ripped of the eyebrows and plunged his hand into his head. Yeah, _into_ his head. I stood wide eye as he obviously was looking for something. He cried aloud as he found it and pulled whatever it was out. The flash of red light was blinding, then the light solidified into a guitar, not unlike the one Haruko now held in her hand.

"Run, Scotty, run!" she yelled to me as she attacked Naota, who had placed his eyebrows back on. I would never normally had listened to her, but she had that guitar in hand, so I thought it was in my best interest to run. I practically flew from the building's doorway and towards my house. No one would _ever_ believe this.

Any good? Sorry it took so long, but I have writers block. Do whatever ya want to do to respond. Next chapter will be interesting.


	5. Run Away!

1FLCL 5

Disclaimer: Sorry it took so long, I had a terrible comp virus, so I needed to get a new computer. Also, writer's block. And all that other stuff about how I don't own anyone, except my characters.

Dear God,

If I have ever done anything to make you mad, I am sorry beyond words. But whatever I did, I do not believe that placing me into this whole mess is just. Granted, so far it's nothing compared to what happened in your Golden Days, but still...

I ran as hard as I could away from that warehouse, but as soon as I was less than a mile away from it, the entire side of the building exploded into literally billions of pieces. It was gone in a flash of crimson light as monstrous shockwaves blasted through the street, knocking me off my feet. Even as I started to stand, I heard an engine revving. It had to be Haruko's Vespa. I ran even faster through sheer adrenaline. I did not want to meet up with her so soon... or ever again. My lungs were aching as I ran yet another mile.

"Scott?" I slowed down enough to see April standing by her car. It was an old junker, but hey, at least she had a car. I jumped as I heard the Vespa again. As quick as I could I jumped into her driver seat and slid over to the shotgun seat. Obviously knowing something was wrong, she slid into the car herself. "What is it?"

"April, it's that maniac who ran me over," I said as I tried to regain my breath. "Please, just get us out of here, I'll explain on the way." I glanced at her. She looked more terrified than when she went to see "The Ring." I sighed and added: "Don't worry. It's not like in the action movies where the crazy guy gets the girl into big trouble. Just let's get going," I said urgently as I heard the engine rev even closer. "Hurry," I added unnecessarily, as she was moving as fast as she could. Just as my luck would have it, the car wouldn't start.

"Damn," April hissed. She tried again. And again. "Why can't I get a decent piece of..." she stopped as the car sputtered to a start. "Yes, baby, you've never let me down!" I stared at her. "What?" she snapped. Before I could respond I heard very faintly, "SCOTTY!"

"Drive, now!" I yelled. Even as I did so, my forehead exploded in agony. It was all I could do to keep from hitting April in my spastic movements. I let out a yell. The scream, impossibly, gained a sharper, harder note, until it began to sound like the AOL sign in screen. The pain subsided as the scream did, but then, an incredibly loud voice said: "You've got mail," and the pain came again worse then ever. I must have blacked out, because April was screaming my name when I awoke. The Vespa was right behind us.

"What is _that?"_ April gasped. I blinked at her then, following her gaze, put a finger to my forehead. I should have known this excitement would remove the bandage. Imagine the look of shock I had when I realized that there was no bump there anymore. There was a metal hand. Needless to say, I screamed. I screamed even louder when I felt the thing wiggle free from my head. The hand jerked to a stop, as if held there. I heard a sheering, grating sound as the metal hand was broken off. The hand broke through the front window, showering both of us with glass. I thought that was the end of that, but no. I felt my head "open" again as a bright green, almost yellow, robot stepped through. It started out small, but as each inch left my head it grew a bit until it was sitting in my lap, a seven foot tall, eight hundred pound robot. It was your basic Japanese B-movie robot. The problem with that analogy was that the thing moved fast. It sprung out, following the hand as quickly as my psychology teacher running to see the midnight showing of "Star Wars Episode III." Unfortunately for me, the thing had hooked some hunk of metal through my shirt. Instead of obeying the laws of physics, my shirt held together, which meant Mr. Robot was running around with me as a fanny pack. And wouldn't you know it? It was chasing the hand, which, even more unfortunately for me, was headed for Haruko.

"GAH! STOP!" I yelled as soon as I had figured out what was happening. I had barely enough time to gulp another breath in before the robot leapt atop of the hand, tackling and rolling around. Over me. Yeah, that was fun. I couldn't see anything clearly, there was too much going on. The thing that stood out was the hand growing... tentacles out of its torn end that wrapped around the bot. And me. I had all the luck. Each time we rolled, the cords wrapped tighter and tighter. I couldn't breathe anymore. Just as I thought I was going to die, my savior came, in the form of a tall girl with a bass guitar wielded as an battle-hammer. With blunt skill, she had swiped the hand a few dozen times before I had time to blink. The metal shore after each hit, thus making the thing lose its hold on us. She continued hitting even after it had ceased its movement.

"Ha ha ha! Thank God for misplaced aggression!" She cackled and continued swinging. I stood up, weakly, and stared at her.

"Uh... Haruko?" I began. She whirled on me, swinging the bass as she did. Guess what? It connected. _Boom!_ Right across my face. The force spun me around and sent me flying. "Dammit!" I screamed and fell on my face. I saw stars... no, seriously, the night seemed to have magically sprung upon us. Maybe I was gone for a good time... I tried standing only until I felt the weight of a giant robot laying on top of me. It took me a minute to realize that Haruko had smacked it as well. I was slightly aware of two voices.

"What did you do to him? Oh, Scott..."

"Cool your jets, girlfriend, he's fine."

"What did you say? "Girlfriend?" Who the hell do you think you are? You just hit Scott!"

"I said," Haruko began, then all I heard was the sound of one swift hit of the bass and a slight ruffling as April hit the ground. "I said he was fine." Growling, I shoved the robot's deadweight off me and stood up swiftly and faced the girl.

"What. Is. Wrong. With. You!" I all but screamed, but I might as well have just stayed quiet. She overpowered my volume with her own, incredibly loud;

"SCOTTY!" With that, she charged at me and wrapped me in the largest bear hug, ever. "Oh, Scotty, Scotty, Scotty, you're okay! You're also smelly and tall." I stared. That was too stupid and random to be real. "Oh, oh, oh, oh! Why'd ja run away from me?"

"Why? WHY! Because you are trying to kill me!" I shouted, trying to push away. I might as well have blown a boulder; it had about the same effect. She pulled away so suddenly, I almost fell over.

"I know I have most guys falling head over heels in front of me, Scotty, but honestly, we just met," she practically cackled. I glared at her then turned to see April getting up. I ran to her side and knelt next to her, holding onto her arm.

"April, hey, how many fingers am I holding up?" Frankly, I had no idea what I was doing, but they always seemed to do this in those hospital shows. I held up two fingers and waved them in front of her face.

"Stop it, Scott!" she said, pushing me off of her arm. She stood angrily, glaring at Haruko, who now was talking animatedly with the robot. I had no idea what they were discussing, but I distinctly heard the word Enno Gates. Whatever that meant.

"Hey Scotty! What are we gonna call him?" Haruko called, her eyes gleaming madly as she looked to me.

"Call who?" I said, irritated. I shook my head slightly as she motioned to the green bot.

"I was thinking of calling it 'Canti." It sounds soooooooo..." What it sounded like was drowned out by another voice.

"That's _my_ robot's name!" I turned to see the Naota guy again, his suave FBI-esque suit almost completely clean, with barely a few particles of dust stuck to the threading. However, I was not wondering at the impossibility of him still being alive. I was staring directly behind him to see another robot. He was as tall, if not taller, than mine. It was a darker green color and had a computer monitor for a head. It crouched, facing us. "CANTI! ATTACK!" Naota cried, pointing at my robot. Why did I keep telling myself that it was mine? I had no time to dwell on it. The new bot was running at breakneck speeds. Towards the robot and I realized that I was between this Canti and my bot.

"Oh, damn," I sighed.

Was it worth the wait? If it was, I'm glad. Anyway, sorry about the writer's block, but it will be awhile before I can think of a new chapter. Oh, and one more thing. If you are checking out my "Cowboy Bebop" fic, stop; I'm not posting on that anymore. It ruins the story of the anime, and I would not want to ruin such an awesome show. See you guys in my next email. Or not.


	6. And Hell Breaks Loose

FLCL 6

I'm back, for some reason. Thanks to the people reviewing my fic. In answer to one worried person's review, the only reason I am making this take place in America is that I haven't the slightest clue about Japanese culture, so I'd probably botch it up and have a bunch of people complaining. So there.

Ever have one of those days that steadily keeps getting worse? Well, that day was one of those. A robot popping out of my head, another one trying to kill me, and Haruko just… being there. Yeah, I think I have reason to complain. As I was saying, I was standing there when it dawns on me that I'm about to get demolished by a walking computer when something wraps around my waist. I turned slightly, trying to see what it was. Turns out it was my robot… why do I keep saying my? Anyway, some black head, like the dog thing in the Zelda games, popped out of its chest and lashed a tongue around me. Before I could even think of how gross this was, I was pulled backwards into the mouth. If I was in any way coherent, I probably would have done something, but I think I was half unconscious. The next thing I know is that there is a bright light at the end of a tunnel, and I'm moving a thousand miles per hour through it. I thought my stomach was stuck in my left foot. As I come flying out, I have just enough time to see the Naota guy holding the guitar again before… well, you can guess, right? Anyway, as I'm flying away from him, I notice Haruko revving up her vespa again. She was running _away!_

"What the hell?" I swore. She didn't strike me as the one to run away, but she was, jabbering oddly.

"Run, run, run, as fast as you can…" I heard, not understanding her use of children's fairy tales, as she turned around. It looked like, for once, she was not going to collide the thing into me. Unfortunately, I need glasses, because she managed, in a chance perhaps one in a _billion_, to wipe out her vespa on a _rock_. Needless to say, that did not bode well for me. Resigned to my fate I sighed and waited for the oh-so familiar pain in my head. I wasn't disappointed. As I'm flying yet again, I get a glimpse of the robots fighting mano-a-mano, landing blows that left a metallic ringing in everyone's ears, as well as April starting to stand, clutching her head. I waved my arms furiously, for I was zooming straight towards her. My flapping arms did not provide me with the lift I needed to evade, of course, so now she also was one who was going to suffer a massive headache for the next few nights.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Maniacal cackling hit my ears as I woke up.

I pushed myself off of the ground, and April, I noticed with a blush, to look around. My mouth gaped; the entire block was ruined! Shrapnel stood on end around us, forming a makeshift cage of glass, building material, and vending machines. A building had the upper fifteen stories resting beside it. First, I was shocked because I didn't know we had a building that large in Milwaukee, then second because I realized that this was caused by _two _people, maybe four, if you counted the 'bots. I stood slowly, reaching a hand down to a waking April to watch as the coolest and scariest thing ever take place in front of me. Two blurs of motion zoomed across my field of vision, leaping off of building sides. Every time each blur collided, shockwaves broke the glass of those aforementioned buildings. I dove down to cover my self from the shrapnel. Turns out, I didn't have to. A shadow covered me, and I saw my robot leaning over both April and I. The other one just stood there, its arms crossed and tapping its foot.

"What, you guys made a truce?" I asked and the thing looked at me. I shook my head slightly and looked back to the blurs. They had slowed down somewhat, allowing me to see them better. One of them, Naota, had swung his guitar low before snapping it back and stabbing forward. Haruko grabbed hers in both hands and pushed down against Naota's, sending it wide to the side. She brought hers back up and slammed down. Naota caught it with his free hand and held it in place. I thought I heard him laugh as he brought the guitar in a horizontal arc, crushing into Haruko's spine. He released his hold on her as she soared through the air, crashing through one building… and when I say through, I mean completely through, as in, in one side and out the other. I winced as she fell. The shadow was gone and I saw my robot running to where she was going to land. It managed to catch her, and as thanks, Haruko hit it over the head a few times, yelling.

"LET GO OF ME! ROBOT RAPE!" I started laughing. How absurd…

"Scott? What's going on?" I turn again, getting dizzy from doing it so much, to see April standing unsteadily, clutching her head. What made me dizzy this time wasn't turning around, but the two cat ears popping out from her head.

"Er… not much, April," I said, trying not to stare. You never want to make someone nervous when you can help it. She nodded slightly and reached up to hold her forehead.

"My head hurts." I nodded in what I thought would be a comforting way. She walked over to me slowly, stumbling every now and then, before she wrapped both arms tightly around my middle. "I'm scared, Scott. I want to go home." I hugged her back, still looking at the "warriors." Seems as if a new competitor appeared, another blur. Ninamori, I thought.

"I think it's time to go now, April," I stated quickly, letting go and walking to where her car had been. She followed and we soon came upon the wreck.

"My car! Oh Jesus! My parents are gonna kill me!" I could see why. The hood had a large footprint stepped into it. The windshield was cracked and jagged, most of it within the interior. The roof was… gone. "Oh God!" April lifted both hands and set them atop her head in anxiety… and they landed on the ears. "What the…" Crap. "Scott? Are these… cat ears?"

"Uh… no?" I said lamely, shrugging. She glared at me for a moment, before she clutched her stomach and keeled over. She was kneeling when I started walking to her. Just as I was going to place my hand on her shoulder, she jerked suddenly, her back arching backwards, her hair floating in the air as the ears sharpened and elongated, turning to metal. A third prod shot out of the back of her head, and then a fourth out from the base of her spinal column. "Oh, that can't be good." How could this get worse?

Finally finished it. Sorry it took so long, but I was working on other stories and I had a case of writers block. The ending seems a bit forced, and I'm sorry about that. Review if you want, and if you have any suggestions, put them there too. I need some constructive criticism.


	7. Head Games

Neo FLCL 7

Wow… I made seven chapters already... I would like to thank my last reviewer, as I needed the laugh. Well, nothing left to do but to start where we left off. I own nothing but my characters.

"Jesus…" I repeated over and over, walking slowly backward as April started spazzing out. I wasn't about to do anything with those claw thingies thrashing around. I backed up against something hard… the car. Figuring it to be a safe a place as any, I hopped over the doorframe and into the driver seat. Robo-April spider-walked away, heading to the combating blurs. I sighed in relief, looking behind just to make sure that there weren't any big beasties about to rip my head off. There was, one with a metallic nose that was about four feet long, rounded and telescopic, the end a shiny mirror. After my blood-curdling scream – still manly, of course - I realized it wasn't a monster, but a woman with a camera, which had a four-foot lens. I didn't understand how that would work physically, but I didn't have time to wonder, as I felt a metal tube against my forehead.

"State your name and business," a male voice said in controlled tones.

"Scott Kilder, hiding from psycho shop-keepers and FBI-wannabes." My eyes moved from the barrel down the length of it until I noticed the man holding the gun; a man wearing orange shades, with spiked orange hair that had sideburns that were past his cheek. The woman kept shooting away with her camera. "Eyebrows…" I said in horror as I noticed one more article he wore.

"Oh, so you're the one she chose this time," the man said, lowering the gun. He removed the shades with his free hand and with the other lifted an official looking ID with a picture of him picking his nose. Not very flattering, but the man went on as if he didn't care. "Rear Admiral Amarao."

"Rear Admiral?" I asked, very confused. I thought admirals had to deal with boats….

"Rear Admiral because he's too afraid to be on the front lines, and that was the only title that had 'rear' in it," the woman chattered, answering my question, still taking photos. Behind the camera, I could only make out that she had blonde hair.

"SHUT UP, KITSURABAMI!" the man screeched, losing his cool. I swear that his mouth dropped nearly a foot. "I'M NOT AFRAID OF NOTHIN'!" He shot her a glare that wouldn't scare a baby who was afraid of red haired people.

"NO, I WON'T! I AM SICK OF YOU PUSHING ME AROUND, AND YOUR CONSTANT ADVANCES…" Kitsa…the woman screamed right back. Right at that moment, I felt as if I were the only sane person in the world.

"I'm gonna turn on the radio, if you don't mind," I said loudly, but they weren't listening. I sighed, but I felt glad that there was no longer any immediate threat to my life. I turned the key partway full, turning on the radio. I stabbed my finger to the seek button, moving to the pirate radio station April and I found one boring day. The DJ nearly screamed as my finger left the button.

"HE-HE-HEY, dudes and dudettes! You magically found the fooliest, cooliest" –what did that mean? – "radio station on the planet! WHOA-OH! The fuzz is on my trail again, gotta split for a second… (There was the sound of sirens) And we're back! I'm gonna lay down one of my own personal faves, so if you don't like it, TOUGH!" A short drumbeat was the only prelude to the beginning vocals.

Sail away where no ball and chain 

_Can keep us from the roarin' waves_

_Together undivided but forever we'll be free!_

Flogging Molly, the greatest band ever named after an act of abuse of a female named Molly. Or something like that. I bobbed my head with the music.

"What the hell are you doin', kid?"

"Huh? What? Oh… nothing…"

"Then you might want to start the car…"

"Why?"

"Oh no reason… except for that." I followed Amarao's outstretched arm to see Robo-April, moving backwards and striking both at Haruko and Naota.

"Holy shitake mushrooms." I obviously didn't say that, but this is a story for teens. I can't have it go R rating on me now, can I? My hand was an intangible blur as it moved to the ignition, revving it in a way that certainly wasn't good for it. The car, miraculously, started. Then stopped. And started again. Then died completely, the only sound the wailing of the radio.

So, the years rolled by, and several died 

_And left us somewhat reelin'!_

"The crap that comes outta this kid's head is much cooler than the crap that came outta yours, Takkun!" I heard Haruko hiss as the Rear Admiral, his first mate, and I left the car.

Johnny strummed his Tommy gun 

_Left blastin' through the ceilin'._

At that moment, I fell to my knees as a fresh wave of pain spread through my head.

"Sonuva… she already got the guy!" I somehow heard Amarao through the sudden tunnel that encompassed my head.

"More? Already? Ooooh, this kid is fast. A lot better head than all of ya put together!" Haruko's voice, however, pierced through it like an extra sharp dagger. I lost consciousness for a bit, so I didn't really know what happened while I was out. Haruko, after dealing with her flirting and her usual oddness, filled in what I missed. Apparently, another beastie popped out of my head, more akin to a giant clam (What the hell?) than anything else, with "fooly cooly" moving arms that schlooped out of its mouth. Her words. So, the thing sorta flopped around for a moment, and then the mouth opened wider than before and the shell shot off of the ground, a pair of metallic legs sprouting, then a torso in addition to the arms, then a head the same shape as a spade. And this is where I woke up.

In spite of good intentions 

_Don't fill your mouth with gluttony _

_For pride will surely swell_

_But nothing's unforgiven in the four corners of hell_

"AHHHHH! HOLY SCHNIKES!" Yeah, that was me. What next?

"Dear lord, when will something _useful_ pop outta yer god damn head?"

"If I'd know, I'd sure as hell wouldn't tell you!"

"… That doesn't make much sense…"

"Shut up, I've had severe head trauma, in no small part thanks to you!"

"Ah… point taken. Duck."

"Huh?" And this is the point where a metal foot of a giant clam robot monster kicked my head. "AHHHHHH! DAMMIT!" I went flying right into Haruko. More good news.

In the _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, _the secret of flying is to fall to the ground and miss. However, in reality, it is improbable, nay, _impossible_ to do so without having some sort of rocket propulsion system. So we did hit the ground. Hard.

"You know, usually, it takes a few dates to get on top of me… or three shots of tequila."

"Good to know. I'll avoid that stuff from now until I die. Now what is the thing doing?"

"Well, it using your little gal pal's head crab as a new, pointy hand, and is trying to kill any organic compounds it comes across. It is doing its job well."

"Can this get any worse?"

"Yeah, but I do have some good news."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I just saved…"

"You finish that sentence and I'll find out a way to make you pay. Now, is there anything that will pop out of my head and do something useful."

"I dunno. Let's find out." And with that, she shoved her hand _through_ my forehead. "Weird…"

Finished! Author's block be damned! And a faulty E-drive. I'll try to update soon. I hope the ending was funny enough for some of you guys.


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